Shanghai'd in Saigon

Taxi from airport to Pham Gau Lau.  Go Go 2 bar - beers at the bar, expats, go-go girls, bartender with hindu like dervish eyes - boy holding court with the frat boy group out on the corner street patio under the crooked sidewalk palm tree.  Left around 5 am from club with a working girl from bar - girls fighting for attention - headed to the hotel down the way that she picked.

shower nice room, 10$ for 2 hours.  concierge looked like a thug - unenthused by me - banging on the door after 2 hours demanding payment.

Morning with Dao - read me his book in the morning around 10 am.  then to jewelry store for currency exchange.  scooter tour of the city on the back of Dao's bike.  Art museum > war museum > coffee on the corner - telecom workers on tall narrow rickety bamboo ladders.

Saigon river - palace - pagoda- ho chi Minh Statue - Notre Dame Cathedral
Cruising thru back alleys and round abouts, dinner and beers with Dao (fried chicken / rice)  watched two cocks fight in the restaurant.  30,000 dong tab - paid for Dao of course
Met his wife in some drive-by back alley.  He later found me a hotel.  Paid, was shown the room.  Then to the ATM to pay Dao, none work!!

Coffee and Tous Le Jous on the pation balcony second floor - prostitution solicitations - girls on top of crotch rockets, haggled angrily with Dao over the price, then back to the guest house
nap > shower > televeision > budget review ) stress about money situation - went to leave for a walk and front door was closed and locked - it was 12:20 am.  owner folding laundry turns to me and says "save your money" I went up to the room and slept.

Awoke by 10 am and left guest house and walked down to Bien Than Market.  Walked around the market - before I reached the market I was harrassed by at least 5-6 cycle / scooter drivers, ate breakfast at the market.  chicken skewers, pineapple shake, orange juice, tab was 47,000 dong or 2.50

walked around town for 2 hours - Caravelle (war correspondents hotel) - rex Rooftop restaurant

found an interesting back alley market!  harrassed again by cyclo drivers asking if I wanted "happy ending massage"  lunch at street stall by Vietcom bank.  Discovered the Bahn Mi Sandwich!  fucking awesome!
walked around the financial district and then almost shit my pants.  the sandwich?  barely made it to the KFC on the corner.  Bought a water and took a violently explosive shit.

Walked back to the guest house.  mid afternoon squalor - languid.  walking around to find a wifi cafe.  realized internet was available at the guest house.  emailed Anandi and JOsh and bank about the card.  took a shower. relaxed smoked some weed.  left house and went to the ATM.  still no luck.  Met an Italian on a patio cafe and a Brit tried to help me but to no avail.  Wandered around the tourist district of Pham Gau Lau for 1 hour -  place is exotic, neon, surreal, languid, alive, creepy, intelligent, telecom nightmare, eerie, invigorating, exciting, fast yet relaxed,  quick with zen alertness, but without anxiety of the moment.  or overt posturing, absent of rule, regulation, etc. reminds me of my youth over at my friend Keith's house where it seemed that anything was possible.

Was offered 10 massages.  5 offers of weed.  2 offers of opium.  3 offers of sunglassses.  3 prostitution solicitations.  Had coffee on the corner with Mr. Hung who had been following me offering a cyclo ride, weed, and a girl "boom boom" tried to ditch him but he found me at the street stall and sat and enjoyed coffee with me.  He gave me a smoke.  We sat there maybe 1 hour.  I tried to talk to the beautiful girl at the stall - she smiled - then her boyfriend showed up.  Hung warned me to stop . . . . I went home.

Thursday:

I went to find an ATM in Pham Ga Lao area again.  - my credit card finally worked but it was for cash advances only.  Celebrated down the street alley from the guest house and met one of the hostess bars.  and one of the girls, whose name was Diem - beautiful smile, high cheek bones - gentle demeanor, kept smiling and bowing to me.  she said that she was a busshist.  - and didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, or eat meat.  Here English was surprisingly good.  Went home around 1 am.

Friday:

Got up.  paid for the room - checked emails.  walked towards Ben Than Market and ran into cyclo driver who insisted on driving me for "free" I refused but he kept following until I finally acquiesed and let him drive me.  We had lunch together at a small food stall in the center of the market.  I left the market and went walking around the city again and down back alleys, had a street coffee, market vendors, made it back to the hotel for a shower, nap, checked emails, ate a late breakfast lunch on the Pham Ga Lau strip.  Watched TV until 8 pm then left and went to the cyclo bar again to see Diem.   She was happy to see me and we talked about family, kids, marriage, her job, how she had never felt this way about a customer before.  Talked about how she wanted to go to Korea to get a nose job.  Told her she could stay with me if she ever got the money saved to come.  Went home late and knocked on the slated aluminum garage door for the owner to let me in at around 1 am.  I also had a cafe with the gremlin Nyong, before seeing diem.

Saturday:

Early morning and hungover.  Josh and Nicole were waiting for me in the lobby.  Stayed just around the corner from my roaming house.  Giddy excitement early morning Saigon - walked to Ben Than Market again, passed more cyclo drivers, harassing each of us incessantly, crazy scooter traffic, crazy crosswalks, the park, Nicole pointing out jungle tree variations, enamored with the architecture around the square that encased the market proper.  Street vendors, swindlers, fruit peddlers, petty theft artists, etc.  Ate again at a corner food stall in the middle of the market. beef pho, pineapple juice, spring rolls, conversation with owner, Vietnamese Canadian tourist excited we had visited her homeland and eager to connect with us.  A sweet lady eager to share her story.  Finished eating and walked the market trying to "just look" then finally left quickly after realizing that idea was impossible to realize in Vietnam.  We crossed the streeet at the roundabout by the Ho Chi Minh Statue.  We kept walking and explored roundabouts and street alleyways, and nooks and crannies of central Saigon.  We walked down to the Caravelle Hotel and the Rex rooftop hotel where during the war the journalists would watch as the imerpial American forces would drop bombs on the outlying villages, seeking in vain to root out the Vietkong.  We finally stopped for coffee on a large expansive patio that was filled with beautiful potted jungle plants and ferns.  We completed our first writing assignment.  During our assignment one of many torrential monsoon rainstorms began, which kept there at the cafe longer than normal.  The rains kept us pinned to our chairs long enough for us to finish our writing assignment, finish a good conversation, and begin to drink beers.  Walked to the street stall where I ate the Banh Mi.  I wanted Nicole and Josh to try it.  We ate and then  walked back alleys and rougher sections of Saigon back to our corner of the tourist district to our respective guest houses.  We stopped briefly for a street coffee.  Kids were playing in the street next to us with no clothes on - traditional Vietnamese fruit / vegetable vendors trolling the sidewalks and alleyways, scooters leaning parked against sidewalks - the drivers leaning against them in the afternoon languid heat, intelligent looking Vietnamese men reading the Saigon Newspaper, patiently and serenely, waiting for the next customer, but not to concerned about marketing themselves.  We bought ponchos in a back alleycorner market for $2.00.  perfect for our trip to the Mekong.  Strolled the Saigon streets a little more taking in the sights and sounds.  Nothing familiar here.  everything seemed exotic.  Got a couple of Saigon street beers and walked back to Josh and Nicoles guest house.  Walked all the way to the river - food, charming souvenire shop featuring old leftover propoganda posters from the war.  Walked past the Apocolypse now bar, which was nothing too special.   Had patio beers and made some phone calls.  Went to the cycle bar again and instroduced JOsh and Nicole to Diem.  Diem gave us directions to meet Ted at Bernies.  Bernies was lame as shit.  Surprsise surprise.  Nicol's friend knows we have one night in town and picks Bernies.  Can you say tool?  Nice guy, I guess, but from what I could tell, has horrible taste in restaurants, especially for a first time in Saigon.  We cabbed it over to the Go2 bar and Ted and his buddy C3PO followed on their expat motorcycles.  We had a few more beers with those 2 douches before they left us.  they left after a round which was no great loss.  Josh and I then scored opium from an 18 year old gay Saigonese kid who was peddling cigarettes, weed, and opium, depending on how much time you spent talking with him.  We were in Saigon, right?  We decided to score some after the price became reasonable.  Went back to J and N's place to drink, smoke, etc.  We had a philosophical conversation about aconviction, drug use, religion, etc.  The opium was fragrant so not pure as JOsh informed us.  We took a bunch of hits off the makeshift aluminum pipe and we all became serenely giggly like the happiest of traditional buddhist masks.  Placebo effect?  Probably a little.  but the drug definietley did something curious to our collective psyche's..

We also made plans that day with the Gremlin to take us to the Mekong the following morning atop his and his 2 buddies scooters'.  Perfect.

Expats Touring the Mekong

1)
Waited on hand and foot by eager barely English speaking Vietnamese hired scooter guides.  Lost in translation but faith and adventurous spirits leading us to jungle gardens where roosters squak, pythons lie, tall ferns grow, and where beautifully serene, French colonial estates are tucked behind lush jungle palms and dense green vegetation.  Coconuts above and the delta below.  Young kids swimming in underwater river caves, in underwear.  beneath foot bridges where Vietnamese women serenely ride atop old cruiser bicycles wearing traditional farmer hats and assuming the most erect exotic postures.  Lush green foliage rising high along narrow brown silt watered tributaries that wind maze-like through jungle inlets and mangrove forested jungle canopies.  A mangrove oasis of haunting predatory species, somehow collaborating with an imported version of the south of France, to make a very winning combination of scenery.  Today we entered one of the worlds most notorious jungles.  We feasted on like the best of former colonial expats, paying homage to all the writers from before.  Like Hemingway in Spain, Henry Miller in Paris, Richard Burton in Africa, etc.......We feasted on exotic spring rolls and elephant ear sized fish in the middle of the Vietkong jungle, under a thatched cabana roof veranda, napped on hammocks, as the Vietnamese guides became our butlers catering to our every whim and off-beat fancy.  Ah, life was good.  The price for admission was obviously a little higher than expected but the things we discovered during the afternoon made it well worth it.  Our collective muse was in awe of the place and the journey.

2)
A hell of a trip.  Hunter S would have been proud.  First time tour through Nam with a crew of six.  Three somewhat green North American lonely planet backpackers looking for a Southeast Asian best bargain.  And 3 Pham Ga Lau scooter driving guides with dentally challenged smiles, available scooters, slinging slick street corner Saigon tours of the delta.  Was it more than we bargained for?  They flashed smiles and used their best Saigonese demeanors toto charm us for 2 days.  and 2 nights.  But when it came to pay the agreed upon tab it was all sour looks, head nods, and grumpy standoff.  We honored the deal, did we not?  Oh, I guess they went above and beyond the call of duty and we owed them the unagreed upon compensation.  Interesting.  So this is how they do business down here.  What was the social contract again?  Oh yeah. . .

Gremlin pointing to each of us says the following,

"2. 2 2. 200,000 dong.  You.  You. You.  Don't worry!  My friend!  (points to me) I no worry!  Boat.  Scooter.  I.  You.  No worry.  Very cheap.  Very good.  Okay?  We do! No worry! "  WE repeat the deal back to him as we understood in his egregious attempt at using the proper pronouns to explain our collective business together.  But now back in town after the trip has concluded, the folk-lore of the ancient fabled Orient city is beggining to cast a long and harrowing dark menacing shadow over our late afternoon alleyway settle up.  The six of us crowded around three scooters in a crowded loud alleyway are staring at each other with a real contempt, each to the other.  Three days of shared meals, coffee breaks, a hotel stay, a first time Mekong Delta experience for the 6 of us, a lobster dinner on a French veranda in the middle of the Vietnamese mangroved jungle, all coming to an end like this.

Flashback to the Annoyances:
(like a movie, quick clips of what we thought was a charming crew, viewed from a lens that has been adjusted to view form a different angle)

-broken English expressions
-how many near misses on the highway?
-blind overtakes on grid locked 2 way trafficked bridges
-took guy to his hometown
-"my guy not eating"
-pinch points
-the hurried rush - nonsensical - once back in town the mad dash rush to find the "atm"
-the roundabout conferences on scooters in the middle of midday rush hour in Saigon
-60 km an hour in a torrential downpour